i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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