my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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