Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize