can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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