Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
