we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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