The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
