So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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