We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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