Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
