just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
