New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
