So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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