I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
