Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
