i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This is my gift to your gina
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
