Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize