it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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