I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
