Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize