This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
