tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
