saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize