I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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