so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
