i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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