I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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