Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
