I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think pants incapable of making pants work
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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