You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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