I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize