meet me or not, i'm out of control
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
