He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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