rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
