i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
