I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
