just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
