sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
