My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
