After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize