im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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