Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
