My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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