i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
