I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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