I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I need to calm my uterus...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
