I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
