last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
