It's like God shit irony all over that family
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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