Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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