All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
