Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize