Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
