Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
