Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
