do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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