Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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