dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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