I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
