i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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