im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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