Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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