Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
