I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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