I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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