Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
