Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
