new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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