What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
