She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
