I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
