What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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