nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
