That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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