Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize