Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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