She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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