Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
