So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
