There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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