Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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