Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
