its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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