The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
