can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im holly from the hills drunk
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize