I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
this beer tastes like vomit already
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
