i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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