Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
