i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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