All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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