she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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