Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
