Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i think my cat just said my name.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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