I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also, beer. Big fan.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
