Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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