It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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