The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
