What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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