Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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